As a woman that is a divorcee. I am well-aware of my decision to marry years ago when I knew the man I chose was not divine mate. However as a woman nearing her thirties at that time, I was very aware of my biological clock and in that awareness, I chose to underestimate my worth when it came to marrying someone that was supposed to be the mate of my life. Over the past several years, I have concentrated primarily on daughter, self-improvement, education, and professional endeavors while sacrificing connecting with someone on a personal, spiritual, and intimate level. Barriers were built to keep out love; unaware of how high the walls were, I began to notice a consistent pattern, one that involved me allowing a person to get a certain distance to me and then like a “runner on the football field” I would run by either, closing the doors and pulling down the shades, pushing forceful, or simply tearing down the possibilities before they were able to flourish.
Over the past several months, my pastor has touched on number of subjects as they relate to relationships, God, and our purpose here in this universe.Isn’t it funny how our pastors speak the word and how they seem to connect us directly to the subject/series? I remember earlier last year, I was praying to God for clarity with regard to my personal life and how I felt that I was indeed ready for my mate. In my attempts to find him, I tried online dating and that was like bait on a hook over sharks in the water. I would try it and then give up and then try it again and inevitably I found myself frustrated by the men and their lack of old fashioned characteristics. It seemed to reinforce the “Word on the Wind” as fact that over the course of time the old-fashioned methodology for dating has denied alongside chivalry. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not think that chivalry and old-fashioned men are non-existent, I just think they are far and few in between.
Interestingly enough, I am a woman that has chosen to practice abstinence and that particular conversation seems to always weed out the bad from good men with regard to dating. It has been rare that a second date has been requested if that has been disclosed. And to be honest, I am happy because the man that is designed for my life will not consider that to be an obstacle but instead a blessing as that practice is rarely seen now days in today’s society. Recently I looked to the Bible for scripture devoted to “choosing a spouse” and fascinatingly enough, there we no scriptures specific to that particular query. However in 2 Corinthians 6:14 the scripture highlights simplistic characteristics of a Godly spouse/mate and those are 1) believer of God, and 2) the opposite sex.
Often in our humanistic ways, we tend to lean towards minor concerns with regard to finding a significant other which I can vouch for and that is physical attraction as we tend to “think” much of our chemistry comes from that. But as I have grown older and wiser, I have found that this particular characteristic is no longer as important as what God calls for our significant other to be. The Bible speaks of the roles of wives and husband very candidly and the very words that are spoken are the very things I expect in my life mate. The Bible articulates that men are to “Protect and Provide” for their wife in Ephesians 5:25-29. The word further discusses the role of women and that is they are to “Help and Submit” to their men in Genesis 2:18.
A misconception that people tend to have of me when they encounter me is that I am a black woman content with singleness and too strong-willed to submit to a man; this however is far from the truth. While I do not need a man to complete me as God has already done that, I do however desire a life mate as God designed man and woman methodologies. However, as with the seasons the way God designed men and women to be in relationships has changed. It seems that many men no longer desire to provide and protect, but instead be provided for by women and experience an effortless relationship on their part just as women do not want to submit and help their spouses. This shift has been one of the major reasons why there has been such a major influx in single people in today’s society not to mention greediness, selfishness, and the unquenchable to desire for money.
As time moves forward, my awareness to what is most important with regard to relationships between women and men has become clearer and clearer. One key fact is that in our search for our ultimate mate, spouse it is not about finding perfect as no one is perfect but our God. Due to the inability to understanding, many singles spend many Friday nights alone because we refuse to accept someone that does not fall within the parameters of our “He/She Must haves lists”. To me, marriage is definitely worth having because it is then that God will favor your intimate connection with another person. To me, making God happy and proud of me means much more than a moment in lustful bliss with someone that is not my husband. When it is all said and done, marriage is built on God – it is God that we must depend on for a successful, strong, and spiritual marriage. As the Bible shares “God made man and woman in his image and joined them together; giving them uniquely designed responsibilities to care for one another in their broken but beautiful union”. My marriage will not be a mistake; it will be a blessing that will display our love as one for God.
Recently, I was sharing a conversation with someone that was seeking clarity from God with regard to two women he had met. For much of his life, he spent much time being a provider and less of a protector for his family and as a money driven man who was not driven for God but money instead, he lost everything. Then after several years, he met two young ladies that were only friends, nothing more however, both were similar in the fact they loved God and were family-oriented; however in his caution he sought out God for clarity and guidance as to which of the two women would be his mate.
Caution is essential when determining who you should date and ultimately marry, which is why it is important to lean to God for clarity regardless to whether it takes two days or two years for an answer. Dating has become so convoluted over time, but the gist of it is that we should pursuit clarity and while intimacy, connection will happen while dating, a person must be slow to move and do so without naivety. Here is where I must share my patience is “lacking” and I am anxious but I am often reminded by God and his intentions for my life. But in one’s pursuit of clarity, we will undoubtedly develop intimacy, but we ought not do so too quickly or too naively. Boundaries are essential as they assist with building to the plot of love’s story with your mate. Obviously I am not professional at defining the methodologies for dating and love however my experiences have made me more than qualified to share what does and doesn’t work for me and perhaps others. In the simplest terms, in order for a relationship to be productive and flourish, God MUST be in it. My prayer today and moving forward is that “the principles of God will prepare and guide us (as single individuals) to our spouse and teach us how to love them as he communicates in the Bible and that we exude out love for God and our spouses to others which will display the truth of the power of God and the gospel in our lives.
If you are a single person, ask yourself “Are you ready to pursue love and marriage as God expects us to?”.