Sometimes, we often forget just how real life is. It isn’t until something extreme happens that we are reminded just how human we are. When I look around me, I see people, young kids dying for no reason and the people trained to protect us are the slayers of the innocent. When I think a mother child, I think about my love and commitment to my child, but then I watch the news and see parents starving, killing, and torturing innocent babies. What is this world coming to?
These few examples document how much we have forgotten the importance of God’s plan for our lives and all the people that gather around us.
Keep our world in your prayers,
This is a personal journey that I am currently in the midst of. I am on day 270 of my 365 day journey. It was not until a few days ago when I began to evaluate my current lifestyle and my relationship status, that I realized just how long it had been since I shared intimacy with someone. I realize that in waiting for the right person to come, I have had the opportunity to set realistic standards for the person I will essentially spend the rest of my life with. While most men would not appreciate dating a woman who does not give in to sex a month or two into the situation, I have faith that the one God has designed for me, will wait until the time is right.
This year, much of my time has been spent caring for my daughter, working and attending school full time all while placing relationships on the bottom of my list of “To Do Things”. In doing this, I have successfully neglected my needs. My needs to be loved and give love and while there are moments when I feel alone and want to be needed and loved, I simply place the ball back in God’s court and as him for guidance towards my husband to be.
In the meantime, I plan to continue to be abstinent. As of December 29, 2014, I am 270 days into 365 days of celibacy. I find it quite interesting when I share that I am practicing abstinence with men, they typically think that I am joking. The average comment is “How could you expect a man to want to be in a relationship with you without being tempted?”. That comment is a clear indicator of immaturity. I will be one of the first people to admit that intimacy and love-making are both big components of a relationship, but relationships without sex is also a great opportunity for both partners to get to know each other, genuinely get to know one another inside and out.
This is my journey that I am taking one day at a time. Be blessed.
If you are a follower of my blog, you more than likely know by now that I am a single, black mother. Often challenged with failing faith in relationships and the arrival of my divine mate. This morning, Christmas Day, I came across the Bible Verse Genesis 2:18 which reads ” And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” and was reminded that I should not give up on love. The most intimate and influential relationships in our reside in the relationship between a husband and his wife. When God created us, and his declaration “It is not good that the man should be alone” in our Bible confirms that. It is when a man and woman becomes husband and wife that they are starting and nurturing the lives of two people and uniting them to be a unit.
While I understand that “some day” he will come and we will become one, the wait for this to come to past has been less than an easy wait. Loneliness is a sad and disheartening place to be and sometimes the Bible doesn’t remove that sense of loneliness. And so every now and then I get a little tired the solitude and I cry.Crying is cleansing and provides reassurance that I am indeed human. With faith, I lean on God’s words but with heart, I impatiently wait for my soul mate’s arrival with anticipation. Often feeling like a contradiction when it comes to love, I know that God is real and he will “Really” send my soul’s mate in his due time..
Always, Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful “Completely Human”
It is at this time of year that most of us begin to reflect on the entire year – reflecting on our year, blessings, and the not so great things we endured through out the year. Often, we might find we are regretful for things we did or did not do and when it is all said and done, that is a common feeling, emotion, or what have you. And so I say, that instead of wasting time reflecting on the past, what could have been, and/or having regrets – place that energy into telling the people you love and who are closest to you that you love them more, resolving open issues that might have resulted from a shortcoming all while keeping God in it and then move forward. There is no point in looking backward since you cannot go back there ever again, be blessed and make 2015 a beautiful one.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Sonya McKinzie a/k/a Darkskinisbeautiful
As a black woman, I am far more familiar with domestic violence than I care to be. Thinking back over my family history, domestic violence was once a family secret and while it was a secret it was accepted without prejudice. It is quite interesting when I sit down and speak with girlfriends about my bouts with domestic violence in a previous relationship one of their immediate questions that come to surface is “How could YOU be in a violent relationship You are so strong”. And I always have to chuckle a little because being a victim of domestic violence does not make you a “weak” woman.
There is no clear cut answer to why we as “Black” women allow our partners to abuse us, however there are many reasons behind why we often stay longer than we should. Often family members encourage us to remain, spirituality motivates us to remain, and sometimes partners guilt us in to remaining. Instead of allowing ourselves to lead with our mind and conscience we allow our hearts, outside forces, and pride to motivate us to remain.
I will be the first to admit that I was a victim of circumstance. When I was in a relationship, abusive relationship, I allowed my lack of self-love to direct my life. I accepted physical and emotional pain and I did it privately. Time and exhaustion pushed me to the limit. Finally I had enough, but it was not until I had enough that opted to move.
We are not always as blessed; blessed enough to know when enough is enough and sometimes as a result lives are lost, harm that cannot be reversed happens, and so much more. We as black women must realize that the first time damaging words are spoken and hands are raised to hurt us, we must remove ourselves from those situations. We must have enough strength and courage to move above and beyond the fear of being alone. You are worth far more than a broken spirit, heart, or limb.
We are not a statistic nor should we allow them numbers to increase as a result of domestic violence.
You are a diamond, you are powerful, you are worth more, and you can make a change.
So many times, I myself amid others have made mention of blessings in disguise. What does that look like to me? That is when something unpredictably wonderful happens in the middle of a raging storm. It is when you find an extra $100 hidden inside of the side pocket of a purse. Or when your child falls down and doesn’t get hurt or perhaps when your mother calls you crying from the emergency room with complaints of chest pains and later finds it was a severe case of heart burn.
However, I sometimes think about the blessings that come without a disguise. Like when you wake up and see the love of your life lying next to you just as he has 365 days before. Or when you sit silently in the park and reminisce over the birth of your child. Undisguised blessings are the ones that we typically overlook or take for granted. We are blessed to wake up each and every day, to have food on our tables, to have people that love and respect us, and to know who and what we are. These are undisguised blessings and it is unfortunate that sometimes we forget that they are just that “Blessings”.
Christmas time is usually when we sit back and think about our many blessings. This is the one time of the year, that we sit still and think about all we have been blessed with; however I think we should acknowledge this more often than a few days a year. We should disallow pushing our blessings aside because our lives are too busy.
I implore you to make time for appreciation, recognition of our blessings, and acknowledgement of our God father. Undisguised blessings, are more powerful that those that are disguised.
Sonya McKinzie a/k/a Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful