As I was completing a quiz, my mind began to wonder ….
Earlier today I took my 3-year old to my mother’s for Thanksgiving and I chose to stay behind to take care of a number of things that I knew I could not do with her under foot. I chose to spend this holiday season alone to complete assignments for my Substance addiction class, sort through some of my daughter’s toys and donate to a local not for profit, decorate our apartment, finish Christmas shopping and wrapping the gifts. I also decided to decorate my daughter’s room with a small Christmas tree with hopes that I could get her to transition into her bedroom and out of mine.
On my way home, I stopped by a local thrift store and did a little shopping here and there. And the gentleman that rang and bagged my purchases noticed that I had a credit card with my college logo on it- he asked “Are you a student”, and I replied “Yes, at 39 years old, I am completing my Master’s Degree”. His response was one that was not expected and it was “Today young lady, you are receiving at 15% off discount and a prayer” and further continued to share his testimony that “he started 4 nonprofit organizations that assisted homeless women and men”. I thought “God is good”. This man was a reminder that I can achieve my dream of helping others soon enough … You know he places small nuggets in your life when you are least expected.
And on a side note, my $75 dollar purchase was decreased to $53 with my student discount. 🙂 Smiles..
Thank you God!
Like a stream, emotions flow through my spirit and radiates through my soul. The emotions are diverse, from one extreme to the other. Lately, I have experienced every possible emotion that is on God’s green earth. In a week, I experienced sadness and mourned the death of a dear friend, frustration from the communications and actions of a misbehaving child, anger from the actions of some who challenged my intelligence, tiredness from the challenges and battles I have had to fight from a business sense, encouragement from dear friends that are in my support circle, motivation from a mother that inspires me each and every day, loneliness when I woke in the middle of the night to find that no one was there, and brokenness from the memories of my past. While, these emotions are more melancholy than happy it is my truth.
Over the past few months, I have struggled with obstacles in my personal, professional, and spiritual paths. I have been struggling because my plate is more than full with losing a dear friend only a few weeks ago to Cancer, working, being a full time mommy, finishing up my Master’s Degree, and surrendering my life to God so that he can direct my path in all aforementioned areas. It is difficult when you do not have the sufficient support system you need to motivate, encourage, and hold you up.
Like an undiscovered cave, I discovered in losing my dear friend that I have broken off some of myself from the living. I am afraid, and I admit it. Change makes me nervous but like I have said so many times before, I am open because I know God will take care of me. However, there are parts of me that I am still building. The undiscovered caves inside of me need to be opened and have air breathed into them. I am reminded by the passing of my dear friend that life must be lived and stagnancy has no place in life. Useless emotions will suck as much life out of as allowed and I have allowed uselessness to play a major role in my life for far too long. Sure, I have done some amazing things in life for others but I have forgotten to include Sonya in that equation. Mediocre, Average, and unchallenged and I have allowed a “Carrot” to be dangled over my head and silently I sat stagnant expecting to receive the mediocre outcome. The Carrot still dangles there and I sit here with fire in my veins. I refuse to allow the venom from someone’s life to continue to affect mine.
Next page. Next move. Next challenge. God I know you got me.