Over the past month, I have found that I have not been as faithful to my followers as I normally am. I have not been faithfully posting and sharing, encouraging, motivating and, purging myself of my day-to-day ins and outs and I apologize. Somewhere along the way, I have allowed the monotony of life to take away my ‘ME’ time. My me time includes the time I share with you here and in my serenity space.
Last week was a very challenging week for me and my daughter. The earlier part of the week, she came home with a low-grade fever which quickly progressed to something serious. On Tuesday, we went to see her Pediatrician and she was sent home with a regimen to take aspirin (liquid form) three times a day for two days and if her fever did not break we were to return to the office.
On Thursday, we returned with a temp of 101.9 and mild dehydration, and she was given a dose of antibiotic (aggressive) by way of an injection. As of Friday morning her fever remained so we were sent to the ER for her to possibly be admitted. Several hours after entering the ER, she was admitted with a diagnosis of tonsillitis, an abscess (infected mass on her tonsil), dehydration, and a fever.
As a single mother, that works and attends college full-time it has been a challenge but a blessing to have had the strength, perseverance, love, and support from my family and loved ones to make it through. While my daughter is only three years old, she has never been admitted into the hospital at least not overnight. This was very scary for me, because while I have a support system most of them are hours away.
There is nothing more disturbing and frightening than having a little one in pain with IVs, healthcare providers poking, checking, monitoring your child and all awhile your child is begging for your protection. I stopped counting how many times I had to reassure and apologize to my daughter for having to go through the pains that came with her treatment in the hospital. I spent much of the time reassuring her that mommy would never do anything to intentionally hurt her and the things the nurses and doctors were doing were so that she would feel better. It is always interesting me how hospitals are supposed to be where the sick are to rest and heal, but it seems that is where you get the least rest.
For a week, we went through her being ill and finally we are near amends and under her doctor’s care. I am fortunate enough to have built a dependable employment track record with my employer so they have been flexible and understanding about my time away and have allowed me to do some work from home. With my daughter at home, I am thankfully and humbly blessed! To get me through, I had a dear friend and her mother visit us and had Goldfish in hand for my Poo and a bag of snickers for me. My family, friends and co-workers checked on us and sent their prayers and the most awesome team at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta watched my Poo so I could visit the library to rent movies for me and my daughter, stroll, and take a snack break in the Cafe’. Without these people, I was able to get through this obstacle. My instructor gave me an extension for my assignments and I so I had some reprieves all around.
I am also thankful for followers who follow and support me here. I also hope that my words about my recent experience as a single mommy helps to motivate other like parents and encourage them when you are faced with hard times, friends, family and God (not in that order) are there to hold and support you. It is all so humbling when you have no control and have to give it all to God to take care of a direct. Be blessed and I will try to commit more time to personal self and to my followers at darkskinisbeautiful.wordpress.com.
I have been there and did that
Forgiving but never forgetting
The bruises emotionally and physically
After years and years, I had enough
And I broke away
Walked out the door
Closed it behind me
Gathered up my shattered pieces
Rebuilt the burned bridges
Mended back the damaged yarn that linked me to those that loved me
Drank of God’s words
Placed faith in me
Reconnected my spirituality
Under the rubble
Created a new space
That was founded on positivity
I let go of all the hurt
And pain that was inflicted on me
I mixed together the ingredients
Rolled out the dough
And kneaded my spiritual bread
Written and Copywritten by Sonya McKinzie a/k/a Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful
Today was a usual day, nothing special, nothing unique, yet it was unusually typical. I looked in the mirror and saw the same face, the 38-year old smile, melancholy in mood, and the same dark complexion skin that I was born in.
Standing before the T.V, I turned to the news and saw a similar story to what I saw yesterday; it seems that someone was killed without reason, gas prices are still climbing; everyone is still mourning the pain of our quickly fading world and I am here writing … unsure of the future and worldly possibilities.
Today, I walked my daughter into her day care and when I turned to walk away something stopped me in my tracks and told me to look back, so when I turned around, I did so to satisfy my soul.
Today, I saw a woman looking at me, no words spoken but a shared smile as we both strolled along the way and past each other as did the wind. The cool air blew against my naked face, no lip gloss or eyeliner, just my sun-kissed skin; it was romanced by the gentleness of the approaching Fall season and it was pleasing.
Today, my mind wandered to many places. My thoughts were entangled and mangled by my yesterdays, todays and tomorrows. It felt like yesterday was straddling between Summer and Fall and today moved so quickly; tomorrow will enter just as quickly as today leaves.
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow— intertwined in my thoughts.
Written and copywritten by:
Sonya a/k/a Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
With breathing and living, I have learned that truth lingers in the statement that there is no formula to living the perfect life. No one is perfect and therefore neither is our lives. We are imperfect as humans and as humans we are products of God’s perfect works.
In my professional life, I remember how committed I used to be to getting up Monday through Friday and putting my all into completing my job even if it meant going in a few hours early and leaving several hours late from work. However it seems in the past few years my vision for my life has shifted. I suppose that would have a lot to do with my beautiful three-year old toddler, growth spiritually and personally and finding a deeper understanding of my purpose in this life.
And while some of my dreams for my life are buried behind my dreams for daughter’s life that was expected and welcomed. Nevertheless, I am re-emerging trusting who I am and going with it in all aspects of my life. Yet, I often wish for actions and things that “I” feel would enrich me and my child’s standard of living. I have found that I didn’t get those things because God didn’t feel they were right for us at that time or at all. One example of this would be when I was looking to buy a home earlier this year, and all ducks were in a row but for one reason it didn’t work out. I felt like I had failed the promise I made to my daughter for her to be in a house by the end of 2014. But after re-evaluating the situation, I realized that I didn’t fail her but instead put the promise on hold.
There is something greater and amazing that God has in store for me in the “Now”. My intuition says it is intimately connected to my passion of helping others and I am diligently waiting for this to come to pass.
What does your life say about you and your passions in life?
I am radiant and radiance is who I am. I am the sunrise amid the snow. This is something you might not know. I am a horizon, beautifully in line with the sun’s shine. I am daylight and I soak in the darkness. I exude brightness and nature follows me where ever I go.
My footprints are in the sand that rests against the seashore. My fingertips touch the dew in the early morn and the wind in the setting of the sun.
Like a boiling tea kettle, I am steaming and stunning. I am sunshine. I am beautiful. I am self-aware. I am uniquely divine. I am Sister Time. I am black. I am white. I am olive. I am every color designed by the creator. And I…. I am radiant.
This is who I am, Lady Sun. I cut through the darkness to reveal my light. God has designed me, a vessel through which his work emits.
I am Utopia united with Destiny.
When I walk into a room dressed in orange-yellow, people ask who is she and echoes around me repeat “She is she”. She being Lady Sunshine best known as Woman, Lady Earth, Sister Time and she is diversity at its best. Every shade under the Heaven on God’s green earth and I am radiant.
Yes, girl, we are.
Written by: Sonya McKinzie a/k/a Darkskinisbeautiful