Christians: Our trials and tribulations

Lately, it seems that many things that I have placed my hands on have broken into many pieces. I have been challenged at each and every turn and it seemed that I was unable to find a place of peace inside of me. My history has been that when I have hit a wall and found myself overwhelmed by an obstacle I would simply fold and then shatter. However this year has been slightly different in the sense that my patience, tolerance, hope and faith has been tested all at one time and I didn’t crumble; not one single crack. Somehow I remained mentally and emotionally intact and while the tears did fall, they were cleansing and welcomed.

Yesterday seemed so much dimmer. The trials that were laid before me yesterday seem to be so mild and simple when I look over my shoulder. Yesterday, I would have worked myself into a tizzy and frantically allowed my emotions to consume me but in the now on this day I am in a peaceful place mentally.

I think it is common that WE desire instant answers to our problems and clarity for where our paths are leading us in life. When we find ourselves overwhelmed with stress, sadness and anxiety, we are not giving our problems to God. We are not listening to his voice. I am guilty of these actions… And I humbly admit this which shows my spiritual growth.
One of my reoccurring questions has been “Why is it that God allows me to hurt and go through trials and tribulations”? With all the recent challenges in my life, I have had much time to ponder this query and the answer that I have received is God is trying to tell me and direct me down the path I am supposed to go. He has a bigger job in store for me and it is because I neglect to hear him (receive clarity) that I tried. Romans 8:28 says “and we all know that all things work together for the good”. To me, this means that all things (i.e. trials and tribulations) are endured for reason. The trials and tribulations that I have experienced lately have reminded me of the need for patience, humility and faith. Trials and tribulations happen because we need them to grow. If all things worked in unity and without issue, we would not need God. As a Christian, we must never take our blessings for granted. God loves us and as with a young child, we must learn to appreciate each gift from him. God does not owe us, we owe him, our love, faith, hope, appreciation and life.

Are you being faithful and humbling yourself to God? Are you listening to his voice and praying for clarity?

Love God first and then Love Yourself (L.Y.O)

Always,

Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful

 

 

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You are officially an angel a dedication to Mary Dunwoody R.I.P by: Sonya McKinzie

Mary,

You are officially an angel,

Yesterday (5/22/2015), you departed …

Physically you left us here on this earth

Your spirit rose from her flesh

and was carried away

The angels hand delivered your wings

God could wait no longer

for you to take your place

In his choir

and to be incorporated in to his master plan

Mary

The one that carries the name of a Heavenly mother

walks along the golden stairway

sipping milk and honey

bringing happiness

here and there

in Heaven

memories of her beauty

comforting voice

replays in my mind

how angelic were you physically

How heavenly are you spiritually

You are officially an angel

Angelic to mankind

You have earned your wings

An attribute to Heaven

 

 

Inspiring Conversational Pieces

 

Yesterday while on one of my favorite social media web sites, a childhood friend’s daughter reached out to me and asked if she could vent to me for a moment. And while this was unexpected I welcomed her conversation. She expressed her annoyance with a family member of hers and that she could not understand how she could take her frustrations out on her. With sincerity I told her that sometimes the people we love the most take out their frustrations on the ones closest to them and that her family member’s actions were by no means geared towards her. As she continued to share a number of issues she was having with this particular family member, which blossomed into a conversation about her personal feelings.

Then she asked me a question that I was not quite prepared for but nevertheless a question that was easy for me to address. She asked me “How did I get over my father not being in my life?” and I told her “Honestly, I have never gotten over my father’s absence in my life”. While I wished that I could have given her a different answer, I could only be honest and tell her my personal experience. I further explained that as a single mother, it is important that I try to be both a mother and father to my daughter. I also told her that one day, when she is ready she should reach out to her father and share all of her concerns with him including how his absence affected her life. The purpose of me sharing this bit of advice with her was because, I feel it is important to tell someone how you feel especially when it has an impact on your life. As a 38 year old woman, I reached out to my father both by telephone and in writing and while I receive no response, I was able to share how he affected my life and what his absence did to me emotionally. As a father, it should be his burden to bear. It simply a fact that “Children do not dictate their conception and therefore it a shame that said we must deal with the growing pains of absent parents.

In closing our conversation, I told her that she should hold close to her mother, because I know how much her mother loves her and that she must continue to nurture and treasure the relationship that they have.

This sweet girl thanked me graciously and told me how lucky my daughter was to have a mother like me. It made me feel like I was 10 feet tall and as if I had made a difference (even if it was a small difference). That said, it is things like this that confirms my purpose in life, encouraging, sharing and loving others. I was so overwhelmingly flattered that this young lady reached out to me for my opinions and my ear. That was God saying “Sonya, here is a nugget to remind you that you are pursuing the purpose that I have in store for you”.

Thank you Peanut for reaching out to me (wink).

Relationships from a black woman’s perspective

When the topic of relationships arises, I will be one of the first to admit that I have made a million mistakes in my relationships. My expectations were set to high and sometimes too low. There were times that I felt that if I spoke up one time too many, I would crash the boat. I’ve been stubborn and competitive. I have been insecure and overly cautious. I have been independent and unwilling to allow a man be a man to me. I have been dependent on the person in our relationship for happiness and stability. With that said, I think that I have come a very long way considering my ability to admit my faults and shortcomings in my past relationships. A place that was hard for me to reach some years ago for a number of reasons.

Now that I am self-aware, I consider that to be more important and relevant that being a perfect partner in a relationship or always right.  As most of us know, relationships are one of the most difficult situations to support. Like yard work, we must nurture and support our relationships to make sure that they stay healthy. Our relationships are mere reflections of who we are at that point in our lives. Interesting enough, when we have a difficult day, it those around us, our loved ones that we lash out at and who we express our frustrations towards. Then when we are happy, it is our loved ones that we want to share the happiness and triumph with.  On the other hand, when we are not happy with ourselves, our relationships are affected by this displeasure and as a result it suffers.
Sitting here, I can recall so many arguments and altercations but I cannot remember the purpose behind them. Then I wonder was the tension and issue worth the argument and stress? If you are reading this blog, you are probably like me in the sense that you have probably been disappointed by the turn of events in a relationship in addition to failed expectations as an outcome the relationship ended.

I think it is fair to say that everyone has personal needs that must be met in order for them to be satisfied and happy with their relationship whether it’s personal or professional. One of my unfavorable hurdles has been having doubt in others or trusting people for face value. I suppose my belief is that trust is earned versus given. However, I am a bit of an extremist when it comes to that. In this sense, it means that I am “overly- cautious” at times and tend to contrast and compare earlier events with current ones. Yes, I know that isn’t a good look, but to be fair, this isn’t something that I do often it just depends on the situation. You know “Situational Application” (a theory that I made up) laughs… it is applied to the situation based on how trust-worthy a person appears t
o be. What I have also found is when I am unhappy with something in my personal life (me), I tend to fight the relationship. Picking here and there to find something wrong in the relationship and placing blame on the other counterpart of the relationship for what I am feeling. That is a self-taught habit that was learned through the bad relationships I weathered.

Currently I am working on my Master’s Degree in Human Services Counseling and it is very interesting the things that I am learning through my coursework. One of my classes, The Integration of Psychology and Theology has taught me that one of the ways of healing that is common in abuse victims is a therapy that I used independently. The therapy is called Forgiveness Therapy (FT). It is when an abuse victim forgives the abuser for victimizing and abusing them to grow past the hurts. And while it doesn’t mean that one should reconcile with the abuser, it simply means letting go of the ill-will towards the abuser and moving forward in your life, or in layman’s terms, leaving the baggage behind to move forward in life without holding on to the past.

Right now I am learning how to decide which batters to fight and which ones I should let go. It is only human nature that we would disagree with someone about something in our lives. Not to mention, some of us have those fighting genes. You know, the people who pick a fight with a wooden post, this could be because they have a lot of baggage in their trunks and this is their means of relieving some of that built up frustration; however this is not a good way to do that simply because it channels negativity. There are ways to face and issue or person, head on without negativity following along. Approaching someone with compassion opens the lines of communication without defense. It is important to display understanding and peace so that they will not get their backs up but instead respond with an open mind. I will admit, I have been on both sides of the fence. One side where I had my back up and approached the situation with negativity and the other side where I walked in open-minded, peacefully and compassionately and the outcomes was always different. Sometimes I would get a positive response when I went in negatively and sometimes I would get a negative response. Then when I went in with compassion and peacefully, I received the similar outcomes as if I approached them with negativity; however what I found was that it depends on the person. “BUT” one thing that I can say was consistent is that when I approached my counterpart peacefully and compassionately, it was less stressful for me. Why? Because there was no stress, yelling, bickering and hot tempers flaring (at least from my perspective) which was a positive thing. Not only that, I learned that it is OK to feel vulnerable sometimes; when you are in a personal relationship and you are connected, that should be a safe haven for you to be vulnerable and yourself; however that is if you are in a “healthy” relationship.

Being honest about self and your past, paves the way to a healthy relationship if both parties take part as such and admitting when you make a mistake is a “Great” thing. And thinking before speaking (reacting) is always a great thing. Simply because when you say or do things out of anger or frustration, 9 times out of 10 you will regret them after they have been released in the universe. And the sad thing about releasing things out into the universe, you cannot retract them. I am someone who can, my first reaction is not a reflection of my true feelings but instead, a reflection of my frustration at the time the actions occur. So, that being said, I try not to say things I cannot change and stand/sit still until I am ready to discuss the issue. The downside to that is the other person might want to discuss it at that time and push. So if they know you, why wouldn’t they understand? The only answer I can give is that we are human and we handle situations differently.  Learning to set boundaries is a good thing, but not yet mastered by yours truly but I am learning how to and when to set them. I am learning to teach a person how I wish to be treated and feel that this is the best way to make sure my feelings are protected. That said, I am learning that loving, caring for, and finding peace within “Sonya” is the best start to teaching someone how to love and respect me the way I deserve to be. In closing, this blog is about self-awareness, self-love, self-respect and how important they are in a relationship. Seeking someone else’s approval is not important in a relationship because both parties should agree on how to make a relationship make and last. And the key point to this is having GOD at the very most center part of that relationship because he is the foundation. If you find, you are not connected to this person through the belief and love of GOD then that is the first indicator that this person isn’t for you. God balances a true and healthy relationship whether it is with yourself or someone else. A relationship should never be “All” about the other person but about both of you. Your happiness comes from God and within and as a result, you should share that equally.  The best thing that a person can do for themselves is to let go of an unhealthy situation and then smile because their faith in God says, someone designed just for them is on the way.  That is what I am doing! How about you?

Always,

Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful

 

When souls collide

 

 

While I have never encountered it, I can only imagine what it is like when souls collide. What would such a collision be like? Connected and bound to your soul’s mate. The profound and intense connection to your life’s mate and eternity; the person that completes the “Y” and the “O” in the word “You” would be a miraculous thing only felt and experienced once in a life time. It is quite possible that I am dreaming and may be such a thing does not exist; however I beg to differ.

After a certain point in life a person becomes to expect and expect such an event. Awaiting and anticipating the time when two paths will cross and two souls will collide and create a design called “Forever”.  How beautiful would this be? Two kindred spirits that waited for what seems like forever to unite divinely … creating moments that build memories for the future and all that is to come ….

Ode to love

Ode to kindred spirits

Ode to divine unity

Ode to soul mates

Ode to God and his foundation that equates to love

Love is like a butterfly… by Sonya McKinzie

Love is like a butterfly

It is gentle

Unique

Special

Exotic

If you hold it too tight

You might crush it

If you hold it too loosely

It might get away

When its wings open

It shows its true design

When it lands in a destined place

It ignites beauty and grace

Love is like a butterfly

It begins as a cocoon

it transitions into a caterpillar

then into a butterfly

it flutters

and leaves an impression

Love is like a butterfly