As someone who has been through it, “IT” being physical abuse, I found out long ago that a person does not love you if he/she hits you. Years ago, I succumbed to abuse; in my mind, I thought he hit me because I made him or he hit me because I stepped out of line. But the truth of the matter is no one deserves to be abused emotionally nor physically.Interestingly enough, I walked away from the relationship over a decade ago, and in doing so I found that I was emotionally scarred and broken. I had a hard time figuring out how to piece my life together, rebuild my spirits and self-esteem. In my mind, I was what some call damaged goods and like an injured animal in a cage, I was frightened and in pain. It seems that while I walked away from the relationship after 12-13 years, the remnants of it remained in my heart and soul. Memories of the abuse lingered in my mind like soap residue on a shower wall. I felt unclean, useless, doubtful, saddened, depressed, and unvalued…
I allowed a man to take my self-worth away by taking his verbal and physical abuse. He sucked the breath out of me and left me limp. Thinking back, I cannot believe that I allowed him to throw me out, beat me down and reel me back in just to go through the same cycle over and over again. Periodically I relive those moments, those embarrassingly painful moments and ask “What was I thinking?”. I never imagined that one day, I would overcome the pain and agony that he inflicted on me. But I learned that the damage stemmed from lack of self-esteem and self-love.
I am not sharing these “awful” events to start a “Pity Party” but instead to share with others that might be in a similiar situation; to make them aware that they can heal from emotional and physical abuse.
Side Note: If you are reading this and are in a situation such as this please know there is a way out. You can do it — just take one step at a time… To me the hardest part wasn’t walking away but getting over the pain that the words and hits left behind. I began to heal by acknowledging that I was not abused due to anything that I did wrong, but instead because there was something wrong with the person that claimed to love me. I understood that change was required to move forward in life. That being said, I removed myself from the situation and relocated to north Georgia for a change of scenery and better career opportunities. In changing my atmosphere, I was able to begin the process for reprogramming my thought process. I began to tell myself that I am much better than what I was and I will be better with the baggage of the abusive relationship behind me.
Further, I began to share my experiences with abuse with those in my support circle (i.e. friends). Then I began to count my blessings and concentrate on my relationship with God. And while I am not perfect, I am a firm believer in God and that he heals. I began to make changes in my life that were nothing but favorable in the eyes of God. I broke away from the circle of family and friends that I shared with my ex and gravitate to people who were supportive of me and what I was trying to carry out.
And now here I am, over a decade later live and well. Healed but perfectly flawed. I am a living testimony and I use my words and experiences as stepping-stones to do God’s will. I am here to help and share with those who are in an abusive situation and don’t know how to get out. You are welcome to contact me here, and I will respond as soon as possible.
Be blessed and keep your head up!