Have we forgotten our virtue?

What makes a woman beautiful? Where does her honor stem from? What determines whether she should be respected or disrespected? Where does her virtues lie? And what makes her virtuous? A woman is beautiful because she is woman. God designed us as unique creatures. He designed us to be both beautiful internally and externally and while many may not agree, we are all beautiful to some degree.  The society that we live in has place emphasis on the importance of physical appearances. Stereotyping the way a “Perfect” woman should look and bypassing the way a woman of virtue to should act.

Television, billboards, commercials, and advertisements are tools that further exaggerate the importance of having long hair, tall, thin or curvaceous and flawless skin. All these characteristics are what many define as “Beautiful”. Again, bypassing the content of the person’s heart; what about a woman of beauty being a woman of God?

Proverbs 31:10-31 says 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.  29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Whatever happened to the importance of what God defines as a woman of virtue? At what point did society become greater than God?

As a Christian woman, should I strive to be the beautiful woman on television, billboards, commercials, and advertisements? I say, no. It has been years that I struggled with society’s perception of what a beautiful black woman should look like.  In my mind, I thought that my complexion, full lips, crooked teeth, and big eyes made me unattractive, but I was wrong. I had it all wrong. I was caught up in the same deceptive web that society spins. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized that I am beautiful in this skin that I am in and no one person can define me as otherwise. As a woman of virtue, God molds us to be a woman of beauty internally and externally.  Not only are we beautiful inside but also outside in the eyes of God. Our scriptures share God’s visions of what he sees when he looks at women of virtue.

 God values a woman that is quiet in spirit as 1 Peter 3:3-4 says “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” While this does not mean that we should never speak and be meek, it implies that as a woman of virtue, we shouldn’t not have an argumentative spirit. This particular verse is one that I am struggling with but diligently working on. There are times that I find I can be argumentative and sometimes combative, but that would be one of my many imperfections; one that I strive to improve on a daily basis.

In society, we as women have become so independent that we often find we must communicate that we do not need a man… Personally, I have been guilty on an occasion or two of this. I can see how that could make us appear “unattractive” to a man. We as women should not be in competition with men but instead understand that as women and men, we both possess qualities that we need from one another.  Regardless to what some of us might communicate and think, we (men and women) need one another.

Society places value on the physical appearance of women, but where is the importance of internal beauty? If we are empty or hollow inside, what difference would our physical appearance make if with time the external beauty fades?

While it is not solely society’s fault, because some of the fault falls upon the shoulders of women and men as we have forgotten that we must respect one another and prohibit outside actions to interfere with who and what we are.

 Always,

Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful

 

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Rebuild broken hearts due to domestic violence and abuse

Dear Followers, Friends, and Visitors:

My name is Sonya McKinzie and I started this blog in October 2014 as a means of sharing my thoughts, encouraging others and sharing my poetry. Never did I expect that I would be an inspiration to others, or others would embrace my very humble words here on this page.

In 2011, I self-published a book titled “Heaven Rain On me…” and it was a tool that I used to release some of the pain, life experiences, trials and tribulations that I endured throughout life. There was underlying plan, only to share with others while using it as a means of healing.

Early last year, I decided that my next book was going to be a tool to help others. In late January of 2013, I started on my new book, not yet titled, but I knew it would be built upon “Poetry Therapy”.  Words that healed and encourage others and allowing the readers to journal their thoughts about the poems that they read in my book; in addition, I wanted to be able incorporate my passion for helping others and my education in the field of Human Services Counseling into a project that would help Domestic Violence and misplaced people find a positive way back to life. As a recovering physical abuse victim, I have a testimony life goes on, you can heal and you can come out of the darkness and find a way to the light.  

It is typical that we give food, clothes and toiletries to the women/domestic violence shelters but what about donations to help rebuild their spirits, feed their souls and mend their hearts? I think those needs are just as essential and feeding their stomachs, don’t you?

On the 18th of this month, I launched a Kickstarter Project that is solely for “Helping Others Heal by way of Poetry Therapy”. My goal is accomplish my donation goal of $5,725.00 by April 18th to cover editing and publishing of the book. The funds would also be used to cover donations of the book. I have a goal of donating 200 books to women and homeless shelters in the North and Southeast Georgia area.

  • Editing
  • Publish
  • Reach out to women’s & homeless shelters
  • Visit, donate books and have small group talk sessions to discuss the book
  • Share words of encouragement
  • See if I can put them in contact with resources to help them rebuild their lives if possible

There are free books, surprises, and certificates/letters of recognition given to the first 20 donations of $50.00 or more.  $50.00 will pay for 2 books; $75.00 will pay for 3, and so forth. I personally plan to invest $2500 of my personal funds into this project. My purpose is not for financial gain, but spiritual gain. God blessed me with a gift to help and share and love others, this gift pleases God and that is my endeavor- to do his will.

I hope that you will support my campaign by going to https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2085637670/when-a-black-woman-cries-her-soul-shines-through and reading a little about my project and then donating what is in your heart to give.

You may also read a little about my first book “Heaven Rain on me…” by going here: https://darkskinisbeautiful.wordpress.com/about/

If you have questions about the project, please feel free to leave a message here and I will respond as time allows.

Thank you in advance for your support and love,

Always,

Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful

AKA

Sonya McKinzie

A love letter to… by Sonya McKinzie

Your arms comfort me

Your words encourage me

Your presence soothes me

Your love is unconditional

Your heart is genuine

Your touch is passionate

Your embrace makes me feel safe

Your compliments makes me feel beautiful

Your support makes me feel like I can do whatever

Your encouragement inspires me

Your genuine personality makes me believe

That dreams do come true

My life is near complete

Because of you

This is a love letter to…

You..

And you know just who you are

You are my shining star

In the high sky

Standing in the clear

waiting to dry every tear

There to hold my hand

and be the man

To love me through the pain

take care of my heart

and mend the broken pieces of me that fell apart

This love letter is just for you

And you know who you are

You are my shining star.

You are my future …

Copyright Policy: Sonya McKinzie is the legal copyright holder of all material on the Darkskinisbeautiful.wordpress.com blog and others cannot use it to reprint or publish without my written consent.

Moving pass the hurt: Black Women & Black Men

 

 

Over the past 38 years of my life, I have had bad experiences with black men, starting from the young age of 2 years old. I have been broken, beaten, disrespected, cheated on, and hurt by the black man, but regardless to all I have endured in loving a black man, I have not given up on them. I believe that every man isn’t the same – not to mention, my preference is a strong, black man. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t a prejudice but instead a preference. There are beautiful men of all shades and nationalities.

That being said, I think that black men have been hurt just as much as black women and because of their experiences they feel that they are unappreciated. As a result, they tend to alter their attitudes and how they look at and treat women (black women).

Thinking back over a conversation I had with a close friend of mine a few weeks ago, I recall him saying “Damn, why can’t all the black women be like you?” And me being the inquisitive woman that I am, I asked “What do you mean?” and his response was “Humble, respectable, diverse and a lady about her business”. The only response I could provide was “because everyone is not the same”.

Everyone doesn’t have a forgiving spirit and everyone doesn’t respond to things the same way. He further explained that he used to be a good man, but it was women who didn’t appreciate him that influenced his now “attitude” towards black women.

In my mind, I thought “a lot of men think like this” but their pride won’t allow them to disclose this information to us (black women). I think “pride” tends to hinder both women and men, because of how being humble will appear.

Like us (women), men hurt too, when they are cheated, neglected, disrespected, unappreciated, unloved, etc. When men encounter these emotional inconveniences their responses are not quite like ours. Instead, they shut down emotionally and verbally. They respond to the next woman as if she were the same woman that caused them the pain.

It is funny because, I think that if we (women and men) show a simple sign of appreciation by saying “Thank You” or “Please” or “I am sorry”….  There would be a little less people feeling unappreciated.

Men are simple creatures, and as simple as they are all they want to be appreciated. Women on the other hand are a little more complex. We want to communication, loved, appreciation and romance.  We don’t want anything to go unnoticed. Sometimes, we both women and men display actions of entitlement which as a result makes us feel unappreciated.

That being said, I think we both need to work on showing appreciation, commitment and understand that the next person should not be penalized for someone else’s mistakes.

Show a little appreciation to your loved one, don’t give up on the black woman and black woman don’t give up on the black man; neither one of you are entitled to anything, everything is earned – everything being love, respect, trust, etc.

Be blessed!

Always,

Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful

The ambiance by Sonya McKinzie

 
The ambiance
As I laid in the grass near an oak tree
I listened to the sounds that surrounded me
Whispers on the wind
From the birds and butterflies as the flickered their wings
In the garden just over the hill
I could hear the tip toing of the water against the rocks in a nearby the stream
It seemed improper to speak
How dare I interrupt the vision that was painted in my head
Or break my concentration of the noises that nature made
The grass tickled my arms
And the willows danced above my head
Dancing on the slow and gentle winds
The ambiance brought me peace
Unity with nature
An opportunity to connect my spirit
To God’s grace and all that he created
The ambiance brought me stillness
Amidst the movement of Mother Nature
Her beauty was present all around me
On that day
In late May
I allowed the language of nature to speak
Speak to my heart
Speak to my mind
Speak to my soul
Mother Nature’s presence embraced me
Brought me a sense of harmony
No words were ever spoken on that day in late May
I didn’t count the minutes
I didn’t concentrate on the time that passed me by
Instead I concentrated on the ambiance
And allowed my spirit to float free
Above me

Copyright Policy: Sonya McKinzie is the legal copyright holder of all material on the Darkskinisbeautiful.wordpress.com blog and others cannot use it to reprint or publish without my written consent.