It is funny how we point the finger at others not realizing that there is a finger-pointing right back at us. I had a revelation today and what was that revelation?Iam utterly and thoroughly INDECISIVE!!
I am at a crossroad in my life where I want to be in a healthy, spiritual and loving relationship; however it seems that those needs and feelings change from day-to-day, if that makes sense. There are moments, when I sit and think over my loneliness and pray to God for a resolution. That said I know in my heart and soul that God will send my companion to me when he feels that “We” are both ready for unity. Needless to say, that does not take away my intense want to be a unit with my soul’s mate now.
Often I am asked, how can you make time for a man in your life when you have a toddler, full-time job and attend online classes for a Master’s Degree and I can only say…when it is time it will work itself all out; but that doesn’t stop me from pondering where my divine mate will fall in my life. And question how can I make him fit in a world that is so full. Then indecisiveness enters stage left — I suppose this is where God confirms my lack of readiness for a relationship.
In speaking with a friend of mine today, he pointed out to me how indecisive I can be. One day, I will say I want to give my heart to the one destined for me and in the same conversation, I express reluctance to humble myself and let go of the “Over Independent Woman” demeanor. Now that sounds like a clash of the “Heart and Soul” doesn’t it?
I cannot count the times that I sit and think to myself “What the heck do you want” and “when will you be 100% ready for it” when it comes? I question “Is it me”? “Why am I alone”? The only answer that I can come up with is “When God says so and allows it”.
I can only assume that I am indecisive about relationships because I am not yet ready spiritually, emotionally, personally and intimately. I am here questioning so many things…. Am I too cautious, am I silencing the signs and voice of God, am I ill-prepared for a relationship, does love reside in me …. the questions go on and on….
I have determined that I am thoroughly flawed, completely indecisive and thoroughly imperfect…
How about you? Where are you in your life with regard to relationships?