Intimidated or disinterested: How do I know if they are interested in me or not?


As a younger woman, I was extremely shy and that made it hard for me to decipher if a man was or was not interested in me. As long as I can remember, I have always been naive when it came to knowing if a man was interested in or flirting with me.

What is interesting is when doing a little creative research for this blog I came across several examples of how one can determine if someone is interested in them or just being friendly. Below, I have provided several of those examples:

  • The person cannot relax around you; he might be feeling pressure to impress you
  • Watch to see if he pays attention when you speak. If he references information that you discussed earlier in the conversation, this is an indicator that he was listening attentively to what you were saying.
  • See if he tries to make a good impression on your friends
  • If he wants you to meet his friends, he is genuinely interested; this means he is working to inclue you in to his life

These were some very interesting examples especially since I would have assumed that if he couldn’t relax around me it was due him feeling intimidated by me. Since I have  been told a time or two that I have an attentive way of listening and conversing with someone that’s commonly classified as intimidating. And I am thinking “ME, INTIMIDATING? NOOOO”.

Recent encounters have shown that men speak and I speak back and they look and that is it. In situations like that, I often wonder, am I supposed to say something after they say “Hello”? Roll out the red carpet, pull the GO sign out of my pocket, so that we can move forward in the interaction?

In speaking with a couple of guys, they told me that I am intimidating when I dress in slacks and a nice blouse, sun dress, or dressy period. But when I wear jeans and a b-ball cap , I look approachable. So I decided to experiment with this and for two Fridays in a row I tested their theory and wore jeans and a b-ball cap to work. When I went to the store, restuarant, or walked across the parking lot in a general area, the few men that I came in contact with were friendly and/or complimented me. Still no, further steps were taken. I find this quite odd because I would assume when I am all dressed up, I would be viewed as more attractive versus when I have on a tee-shirt, jeans and a cap. Oddly enough their theory worked. I found men were more verbal when I was dressed casual, but they still did not ask for my number or for a date. Isn’t that interesting?

For months, even years, I thought “Dang, am I that unattractive that no one approaches me or is my breath stank?” but apparently it wasn’t about my appearance nor my breath,  it was about my presentation and how I was being received. Doesn’t that seem a little ludicrous? Needless to say, it is clear that dating is definitely a game and a hard one to play at that.

Now get this, apparently men are a little insecure about their approach will be received and that is regardless to how confident and attractive they  may be. Internally men see us “women” as the ones that control the game and hold the power when it comes to the dating games. Obviously because without the green light men cannot make the next move or at least not confidently. With that said, you could spend minutes, hours, days and months waiting for a man to make a move and vice versa. This in my opinion complicates the process for getting to know someone or meeting someone in general. Especially if you are like me and have no idea whether a man is really just being nice or interested.

Of course, this issue with expressing interest is no fault of neither women or men, I suppose it is just the rules of the game. Now here is the thing, how do we move above this and get men and women interacting more, showing interest a little more open and less vague?

To be honest, this issue has existed since forever that I do not think the dating “process” will not change. The only thing that I gathered from my research for this particular blog is that “WE” as women and men need to pay attention to the Tell-Tale Signs. Look at the signs that have “Go” spelled all over them and feed off of them.

Unfortunately, because I am still on the shy side, I am not sure that approach will work for me, but perhaps that will work for you. And if it does please come back and share the outcome of this “venture”, so that I can share it with our fellow bloggers that are following this Blog.

Have a great evening,


Ms. Darkskinisbeautiful